An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician go for a walk in the countryside. They espy a black sheep in the distance.
The astronomer immediately proclaims, "All sheep are black!"
The physicist thinks for a moment and suggests, "Some sheep are black."
The mathematician ponders awhile and says, "There exists a sheep such that one of its sides is black."
A famous statistician would never travel by airplane, because she had studied air travel and estimated the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight was 1 in a million, and she was not prepared to accept these odds.
One day a colleague met her at a conference far from home. "How did you get here, by train?"
"No, I flew"
"What about the possibiltiy of a bomb?"
"Well, I began thinking that if the odds of one bomb are 1:million, then the odds of TWO bombs are (1/1,000,000) x (1/1,000,000). This is a very, very small probability, which I can accept. So, now I bring my own bomb along!"
Three men - a doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician - were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The mathematician says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife, you can do some mathematics."
A math professor is camping in the bush near a lake. In the middle of the night he hears a noise and peeks through his tent door. He sees a HUGE fire coming his way at amazing speed. He'll probably be burned to death in about 1 minute! But then he looks aside, he sees a bucket. Then he looks behind him. He sees the lake. He goes back inside and into his sleeping bag, because the problem can be solved.
One day a planet is discovered out Antares way whose sole inhabitant is an enormous humanoid, three miles high and made of granite. At first it is mistaken for an immense statue left by some vanished race of giants, for it squats motionless on a yellow plain, exhibiting no outward sign of life. It has legs, but it never rises to walk on them. It has a mouth, but never eats or speaks. It has what appears to be a perfectly functional brain, the size of a condominium, but the organ lies dormant, electrochemical activity at a standstill. Yet it lives. This puzzles the hell out of the scientists, who try everything they can think of to get some sign of life from the behemoth--in vain. It just squats, motionless and seemingly thoughtless, until one day a xenobiologist, frustrated beyond endurance, screams, "How could evolution give legs, mouth and brain to a creature that doesn't use them?" It so happens that she's the first one to ask a direct question in the thing's presence. It rises with a thunderous rumble to its full height, scattering the clouds, thinks for a second, booms, "IT COULDN'T, " and squats down again.
"My God!!" exclaims the xenobiologist, "Of course! It only stands to reason!"
A parable, in SI units: (With apologies to those who take offense at
the gender archetypes. Please convert the gender units as
appropriate. Source: sci.research.careers newsgroup)
A male scientist and a male engineer were placed at one end of a large
(20 m) room. At the other end of the room was a beautiful woman. The
scientist and engineer were told that at 60 s intervals a bell (f=440
Hz) would sound, and they could travel one-half (1/2; 0.5) the
distance towards their goal, i.e. the woman. At the sound of the
first bell, the engineer marched 10 m towards the woman, while the
scientist stood motionless with his brow furrowed. At the sound of
the second bell, the engineer paced another 5 m. Again, the scientist
stood motionless. The third bell sounded, and the engineer happily
strutted 2.5 m. At this point, the scientist hollered at the
engineer, "You fool, you know you will never reach her!" The
engineer replied, "Of course I know that, but I'll get close enough!!"