October
It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Waterworld
This extravaganza takes place in a world where there is no land because
someone forgot to turn the bathtub faucet off. It stars Kevin Costner
as The Mariner, who overhears a dying
man talk about the buried treasure at "Water's End, under the the big M."
A madcap races ensues between the Mariner and about fifty other people who
also overheard the dying man's words. Water carries sound so well. The Mariner
takes charge of a little girl and her mother, who have a map to Water's
End. There, a great, golden double arch that looks like an M marks the
buried treasure, and, indeed, all that remains of civilization as we now
know it. But who will get there first?
Rating:Over one billion dollars served.
One thumb up for being the most expensive movie ever made. Surely that
must count for something.
One thumb down for the "flounder"ing plotline, the constant "carp"ing between
characters, the overuse of fish puns in the movie reviews.... um... Nevermind.
I would say it was a "Whopper" of an ending, but it wasn't.
For those who were wondering what happened to September's movie pick:
I was at the Academy of Trashy Arts helping to pick out the next Oscar
nominees for Grouchiest Film, Grouchiest Actor and Actress, Smelliest
Special Effects, etc. The coveted Gold Trash Can will be presented by
The Grouch himself at our awards ceremony in January. Watch this space
for details. Or don't.
August
Batman Fever
This smash hit of the summer stars John Travolta and Olivia Newton
John as the Dynamic Disco. Together they hustle all over Gotham City,
challenging the bad guys to dance contests. In one memorable scene,
the two battle the Riddler and other foes in a well choreographed fight,
giving a new insight to the hit tune, "Staying Alive". Steve Martin
makes a guest appearance as the notorious King Tut. Music by the
BeeGees.
Rating:Somewhere in the mid '70's.
Two thumbs up. Disco lives.
Special Video Pick of the Month
In honor of Batman Fever we also present our special video pick
Batman Reruns
This movie is comprised totally of clips from the hit TV show Batman,
staring Adam West and Burt Ward. A must for fans. See Batman get out of the
Joker's fiendish trap. Hear Robin say, "Holy known unknown flying objects,
Batman!". Read the exciting fight scenes! BAM! POW! SMASH! And of course,
Marlo Thomas stars as ThatGirl. Look for this movie at the same bat time,
same bat channel!
Rating:
One thumb up for astoundingly real special effects.
One thumb down for Robin's constant use of bad language.
July
Poke And Haunt Us
In this film, live action and animation are combined to make
a historical ghost story come to life. John Smith's colonization of
the NetherWorld is frustrated by the evil mechanations of
Governor Radcliffe (played by Alan Alda) and a tribe of hostile ghosts.
Against the wishes of the other members of his ghostly tribe,
the young ghost Casper only wants to play with the settlers.
How John Smith and Casper form a friendship that spans life and
death is a heartcurdling tale the whole family will enjoy.
Watch for a cameo of Tom Cruise as the Vampire Lestat.
Rating:
One thumb up for its politically correct treatment of the UnDead.
One thumb down for making us watch a two hour long commercial for action
figures.
