Science Quotes

Before I die, I hope that someone will explain quantum mechanics to me. After I die, I hope that God will explain turbulence to me.

W. Heisenberg (?)

Researchers have already cast much darkness on the subject, and if they continue their investigations, we shall soon know nothing at all about it.

Mark Twain

This manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.

Samuel Johnson

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Mark Twain

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

Dan Quayle

The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that they haven't attempted to contact us.

Bill Watterson

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.

Artificial Intelligence is the study of how to make real computers act like the ones in movies.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Every revolutionary idea - in science, politics, art, or whatever - evokes three stages of reaction in a hearer:
  1. It is completely impossible - don't waste my time.
  2. It is possible, but it is not worth doing.
  3. I said it was a good idea all along.

The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.

Given a choice between two theories, take the one that is funnier.

Hindsight is an exact science.

Quantum particles: The dreams that stuff is made of.

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

The speed of time is one second per second.

A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They got 3000 responses. All from the same person.

There's no future in time travel.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
A. Einstein

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, theory and practice are different.

Back to humor page